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Tesco Vee
Age: 27 HORNY MAN'S GUIDE TO THE VICTORY
The following is a description of a great February cruise to the western carrib
on the Carnival Victory by a 27 year old guy. The
cruise was great and I would suggest it to anyone of any ages.
The Victory has sisterships Destiny and Triumph.
If you are on one of these, I would suggest
spending an extra $20 or so for a room on the Lido
deck, as opposed to a lower deck. These ships are BIG
and it's nice to have a short walk between your cabin and
the sun. You will make that trip many many times and it's nice to
do it without having to get on an elevator.
The food is ok...not as great as they make it sound in their ads but considering they have to feed
2700 people on mostly frozen food....they do a good job with what they have. Eat beef! Some dishes were
hit-and-miss but the beef dishes were always tasty. If you dont like your
assigned dinner time then ON YOUR 1ST DAY go to the
matre d of your assigned dining room and he'll be able to switch
you to a better sitting (probably not on that day though).
Or if you dont like the people you're eating
with...switch because you'll be eating with them all week. I suggest
eating in your assigned spot the 1st day and if you dont like the time or you're not sitting with hot chicks, go to the
matre d at the end of dinner and change times. Eat
dinners in the formal dining hall...do not have lunch
or breakfast there because there's a better selection
at the buffet on the Lido deck aft restaurant (our's was called
the "Medeterranian restaurant" but it's called a different name on each
ship). Do ask your waiter what's good that
evening. The staff on the ship is EXCELLENT
and they'll steer you toward the good food. Remember you can always ask for a
2nd or 3rd helping, or one helping of different plates, or
whatever you want. They couple we ate with always had
at least 2 dinners each night at the table PLUS two or
three more sent up to their room!!
The day before each port of call there will be a meeting in the theatre
and the cruise director will tell you all about the island.
usually these talk are at 10am.
You can sleep through them because they tape them and wil
play them ALL DAY on a channel on the TV in your room. On Day 1 he'll tell you that they
offer $28 snorker equipment for the whole week. But
I think it's not necessary cuz we didnt see any good snorkeling real
close to the beach at any port of call we visited.... so dont rent the
ship's equipment, instead buy a shore excursion and they'll take you on
a boat to the reef and give you equipment there. Plus,
if you're on an island sometimes it takes a while to
re-board and you dont want to be holding stupid
snorkeling equipment on an island if you're done snorkeling.
The vegas-style dancer shows are kinda lame.
The magicians and jugglers are good, and make sure you go to the midnight R rated comedian
shows. The casino is damn big for a boat.
As with any casino, be comfortable with
your dealer. I had one dealer whose name was "Atilla" and he was
from Hungary (the crew all have to wear name tags that say where they're
from). Atilla The Hun, I kid you not.
And he wiped me out!
On a "fun day at sea" you'll need to get up early to get a chair on the
mid-Lido deck where the band plays reggae music all day. If
you see noplace to lay out, check the "boobie deck" (the topless deck with no
topless babes directly under the ship's dorsal fin). there's
usually room there, though you may have to bring up a
empty chair from a pile from the lower levels.
Make sure you stay in the midship area and not the aft
because the band is there and they have entertanment there like the "hairy
chest contest". For real
alcoholics, the bar at the far rear of the Lido deck (near the 24hr
pizza) is open till 4am.
Make friends with your maid if she is hot. You're
supposed to tip her at the end of the cruise but give
her 5 and 10 dollars in cash or casino chips every once
in a while and she'll be real happy. Remember these are lonely eastern european chicks! be nice to them and
who knows what can happpen. the staff
gets to go on the islands when the ship leaves late (cozumel on my trip) so
you'll be able to hang with them if you make friends.
For nightlife, it's all on deck 5. I did well hanging in the piano bar singing elton john and billy joel songs with
a good group of people. if you make friends
the 1st night you'll be freinds the rest of the week, and the piano bar is a
good place to start because it's so casual. Our
piano player was Big Diamond Dave and he rocks! Dave,
you da man!!! The disco is for teens most nights till
11 or 12...but not the good kind of teens unfortunately....it's mostly
11-14 year olds. You'll feel like a perv there until midnight when the adults show up. Don't expect to meet many
single girls in their 20s. If you see any,
snatch them up! There are a lot of families on
board so if you do meet an college hottie rememeber her dad is probably with her!
It's because of the lack of single chicks our
age that I suggest hitting on the cute staff AND going a bit
older...on my trip there was this HOT HOT late 30ish texas broad with fake boobs who was traveling
with old people. Nobody danced with her except boys
because there's a lack of single guys our age on the boat as well.
So if you see any hot chicks traveling with
family, with no wedding ring, snatch them up.
For islands, we went to cozumel, grand cayman, and ochos rios.
On cozumel, go to Carlos & Charlies, have
dinner there, drink margaritas and party there. It's a
party bar for americans. Playa Sol was a nice beach,
you can take a taxi there.
We took the Atlantis Sub excursion to a reef...that was real fun.
On Cayman, seven mile beach is wonderful, and everybody says to go to Stingray
Beach and swim with the stingrays (serious!). We didnt do that but we went on the "Wreck & Reef" snorkeling excursion which was a blast!
Near the boat you'll be surrounded by hundreds
of fish who get right in your face. In jamaica you must
climb up Dunns River Falls. Our waiter suggested
to take a $100 taxi from the pier (for 4 people) and
not do a boat-sponsored excursion. So the cabbie took
us to the falls, the rainforest, shopping, and to an
old abandoned hotel site that now has beautiful plant
life. It was worth it. Just make sure you trust your cabbie. We got him through this Jamaican guy on the pier that was loading people into a
boat for a carnival excursion. he said he owned
a cab and his dad was the cabbie, so we figured if
carnival knows this guy, it would be safe. jamaica is
not at all as bad crimewise as some people say.
Just stay out of kingston.
And..if you have any free weekend time that you can spend on South Beach Miami,
do it! Hooters galore.
Back on the ship, each day they give you a 4 or 6 page "what's happening
tomorrow" newsletter in your room.
Read it from cover to cover!! I forget if they
bring the excursion list to your room or not, but the lists are always available at the snorkel desk
on deck 3. As for clothing, each floor has washers,
dryers, and an iron, so you dont have to pack as much
as you might think. You may want to
bring along an empty or near-empty suitcase for any stuff you might buy.
Also, there are two formal dinners on the ship. They
suggest you wear a suit, and most men wear suits so if
you can do it bring one with you. The
chicks, as you might epect, really dress up well those nights so if you
look good you can use some flattery on the girls you've met "wow that
looks good on you etc etc etc". I forgot to
bring a suit but i brought a tie. It worked ok for me but if i
was gonna try to pick up a decked-out babe i may have
been a little shorthanded. HAVE FUN!!!!
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